10 - ALL victims need to be believed

TRANSCRIPT

 

This is a lessons from life "short take."  I'm Mary Young; thanks for joining us. 

The news has been full of the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings.  Today on Facebook, I received a request to show solidarity as a woman by blacking out my profile pic.

The idea is to show how empty the world would be without us, or something. It's also a protest against how rape survivors are treated.

I'm not doing it. NOT because I don't feel sympathy for survivors (I am one), and not because of any political reason (both major political parties have sexual offenders in them).

THIS is my reason.

Rape is an equal-opportunity offender.

Sexual abuse is an equal-opportunity offender.

Women and girls are not the only people who have been shamed into silence.

A male friend of mine told me one time about the time he went to a local organization that was offering a workshop for people who had been sexually abused.

He walked in, asked someone at the front desk where he should go for the workshop, and BECAUSE HE WAS MALE, she directed him to the workshop for sexual offenders.

IT NEVER OCCURRED TO HER THAT HE COULD BE A RAPE VICTIM, BECAUSE HE WAS MALE.

That still hurts my heart.

So no, I will not "black out" my profile picture. If you want to, go right ahead. But while you're standing in solidarity with all women everywhere, please remember that men and boys get raped, too. Sometimes by men, sometimes by women. And sometimes girls get raped by women.

And a large portion of the time (you can look up the stats), for both boys & girls, men & women, it's by a family member or someone they know.

Instead of using this past week for an emotion-fueled outburst, use it as motivation to educate yourself on what to say to a friend if they confide in you, and how to recognize sexual abuse in your own family unit, and maybe even to think about why it's SO important to the family unit that the abused person keep silent to protect the perpetrator.

What is up with that?  WHY is it so important that grandpa not be embarrassed, when they victimized their own family member?

If we were better at helping people when they disclose their "shameful secrets" (and it's NOT their shame, NOR their secret - both of those belong to the perpetrator), then we might find more people speaking up sooner.

But as long as we victimize the victims, or refuse to see the reality of their experience, this will all continue, regardless of gender, political party, ethnicity, belief system, etc.

But if we were better at helping people when they disclose, then we might find more people speaking up sooner.  But as long as we victimize the victims, or refuse to see the reality of their experience, or flat out deny the reality of their experience, saying to  them:  you just made that up to get attention, this will never stop. 

It will continue regardless of gender, regardless of political party, regardless of ethnicity, regardless of belief system, regardless of anything you can come up with that helps you demonize one side or the other.

It's not about blacking out your profile picture. It's not about women not being heard. Women are not the only victims. It's about victims not being heard. It's about there not being a safe way to disclose, and that is what we need to change.

 

Thanks for listening, and go make it a great week