3 - Share Your Story

TRANSCRIPT

We are bombarded daily by truly bad news -- wars, rumors of wars, accidents, murders, and on and on. Couple that with the challenges that each human being faces, and it's no wonder that most of us are in need of inspiration. The problem is that the most inspirational people in our midst rarely share their life story. They simply work their way through each day, doing what they do best - facing life head-on with determination, endurance, and courage. We need those people to share their stories so we can draw inspiration from them for the living of our lives. - Chaplain Murray.

When I read these words, they really hit home for me.

We all have stories.  But most people you run into on any given day have no idea that their story needs to be shared. They have no idea that their story can help change someone else’s life. They have no idea that they can be an inspiration; that they ARE an inspiration.

How many times have you been in a situation and wished you could talk to someone who’s been through it? That’s why we have support groups, but they’re not always the answer.  Some people can talk to their families, but that’s not always the answer either, for a variety of reasons. 

Here’s the thing. We all have experiences in our lives that can benefit others. They don’t have to be big, earth-shaking things, but for some reason we always think they should be. That’s actually one of the mistakes, or delusions, that keep us from sharing those experiences. We don’t think we have anything to give.

BUT WE DO.

Hi, I’m Mary Young and you’re listening to the Lessons from Life Podcast. Thanks for joining us!  Today, we’re talking about sharing our story so we can inspire others.

Each of us has a unique life-history, but we also have experience/strength/hope that can or will help others.

For some reason, we don’t think that the mundane parts of our life can inspire others. We don’t think there’s value in the mundane. So we ignore or discount it.

But we don’t know what others need. And we’re discounting OURSELVES by thinking we have nothing to offer. Especially when we compare ourselves to others (and we usually do).

I’m basing this on my own experience, not on any research studies.  Here are examples of why I think that.

- I was the first person in my family to go to college. I had no idea what it would be like, or what to expect. It would have been so wonderful to have someone share their experience with me. It didn’t really mean anything to me when my parents told me it would be fine. For one, they were my parents. They HAD to say that J

More importantly, as far as I knew, they had no idea either. Neither of them gone to college. I would have loved to know that I wasn’t the only person to be scared about moving away to school, or who wondered whether I would really fit in at college, or if I even belonged there.

- When I was joining the military (both times), it would have been great to be able to talk to other female veterans who could help me with the pros and cons for each branch, and job choices, and even just joining up. I talked to my friends, of course, but they were the same age as me, with no military experience.

- When I was 15, my dad had a massive stroke. He lived, but he was handicapped and unable to work, and Mom was a stay at home mom. Our income dropped 75% overnight.  Mom did whatever magic she needed to do to keep us afloat. To this day, I don’t know what all she did, because she never talked about it, and she’s no longer around to ask.  Which is a shame, because I could have used her wisdom when I was unemployed for 2 years, and again more recently, as I recovered from my own stroke.  But Mom never thought anything she did was all that special. It was just life.

These are just a few examples, but I hope they give you some ideas, and help you see my point.

Here’s the thing.

We talk about being authentic and vulnerable, and we do our best to live it. We walk through what life throws at us on our journey, gritting our teeth and sticking it out and doing what needs to be done.

But we keep it to ourselves, because we're too busy living life and getting through whatever issue it is to spend much time talking about it.

And because we think it's no big deal - it's just life.

I’m here to tell you that it IS a big deal.

Let’s take something mundane, like menopause.

Yeah, I know. I say menopause, and your brain says:

Wait, what?

Menopause? Really? What kind of story can you have about menopause? It’s just part of life. You deal with it.

Yes, really. It meant SO MUCH to me when I could talk to other women who have had hot flashes and mood swings. Sometimes we’d just laugh together about how much it sucks, and other times we’d share advice on how to make it more bearable.

But I needed to know I wasn't alone.  I wasn’t the only normally-nice person who could go from zero to bitch in a nanosecond, and it didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me or that I was a bad person. It was just menopause.

Sharing our stories helps us know we’re not alone, and we’re not crazy or abnormal. That’s the important part. That’s why stories matter.

Like I said before, we all have stories.  But most people you run into on any given day have no idea that their story needs to be shared. They have no idea that their story can help change someone else’s life. They have no idea that they can be an inspiration; that they ARE an inspiration.

I'm with them - sometimes people will tell me I’m inspirational, and I get embarrassed. I don’t see myself as inspirational.

Condi Rice is inspirational, coming from poverty and prejudice to where she is today. That football player from The Blind Side is inspirational, overcoming his childhood to become a great football player. Those are the stories people want to hear. At least, that's what we tell ourselves, every day. My life is just a normal, average, everyday life. Who could be inspired by that?

And we sell ourselves short, every day, BECAUSE WE DON'T BELIEVE WE'RE SPECIAL.

WE DON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE ANYTHING TO SHARE.

WE DON'T BELIEVE WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

WE DON'T BELIEVE WE EVEN HAVE A STORY.

We just have a life, and sometimes it's kicking our butts. Or we think we're a failure, because our husband walked out on us, or we're alcoholic, or our child does drugs, or our relative committed suicide, or we had an affair, or we lost our job, or whatever.

Each of us has a story. And each of us have people in our lives who need to hear it. We don’t know who those people are, or what portions of our story they need to hear. We don’t know who has circumstances similar to ours, because we all do our best to avoid authenticity and vulnerability, even while we long for it.  Since we avoid those, we don’t know who would benefit from our experience, strength and hope, or who has experience, strength, and hope we could benefit from.

And I have to be honest with you. Finding those people can be a little tricky. After all, we can’t just walk around shouting our issues to the world:

Menopause!                                     Bankruptcy!                                     Infertility!                                           Cancer!                     Aging!

            Unemployment!                                          Sandwich Generation!                  Drugs!                                   Failure!

 

That wouldn’t work well at all (and it would be *really* noisy).

But...

If we know ourselves, and if we’re open to sharing ourselves --warts and all-- we’ll find ourselves making connections we never expected to make. We’ll not only learn that we really *do* have a story; we’ll see how sharing that story brings hope and encouragement to someone else. Or we’ll be strengthened and encouraged by hearing their story.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? And at the same time, it sounds a lot like pie in the sky.

Really? Me? I have a story?

I’m not anybody special. I’m just a mom. Just a grandma. Or neither of those, because I’ve never had kids.

Just a working man.  Just a student.  Just a husband.

Just a wife. Just a daughter, or a son.

There’s nothing special about me. I don’t  have any story to share.

I *know* some of you are thinking that right now. And I don’t want to stand up here and say “You’re so wrong!” because that’s not positive and encouraging. But you know what?

You’re so wrong! :)

Actually, it’s not so much that you’re wrong as that you’re human, and that’s a very human response.

So let me ask you this.

• Is there something you wish you could go back and tell your younger self? If there is, you have a story to share.
• Has there been a time when you thought: “if only I’d known about that before ...”?  If there is, you have a story to share.
• Have you accomplished or survived something  you never thought you would? You have a story to share.
• Has there been a time when you thought: “I wish I could talk to someone about this...whatever”?   If there is, you have a story to share, because somewhere out there, someone is wishing they could talk to someone about that exact same thing, but they have no idea who would relate to it.
• Has life kicked you in the teeth so much and so often that you’re toothless? Then you have a story to share, even as you see another life-kick heading your way, and even if you don’t think you can take anymore.

Our human tendency is to think stories have to be BIG! And SPECIAL! And FLASHY!  We don’t realize that sometimes the biggest stories are the quietest.

We all remember Thomas Edison, because he invented the lightbulb, among other things. But he had something like 99 failed attempts before he was finally successful. We make a big deal about his successes, but the real story is in how he persevered in the face of all those failures.

So don’t sell yourself short. You have a story to share, and someone out there needs to hear it.

 

Sharing our story gives us two benefits right off the bat. 1) we begin to see the victories we might not have noticed before, and 2) we find out we're not alone.

Let’s start, right now, by helping you discover your story.  I’m going to ask you a couple questions. You can write them down, or just answer them in your head.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself ___________.

When it feels like life is kicking me in the teeth, I ________________.

I am currently experiencing (check all that apply)

__menopause                      __pregnancy                        __infertility                __singleness

__empty nest                        __divorce                   __money problems 

__newly married      __childbirth               __toddlers                 __teenagers

__childhood issues   __unemployment               __sandwich generation     

  __health issues                   __family issues

 

Your answers to those questions are the beginnings of figuring out your story.

But now what?

Sitting in your house or car, answering a couple questions from a stranger in a podcast -- how will that change anything?

 

You know what?  You’re right.

I can’t change anything.

But  YOU CAN.

 

Step 1 is figuring out the story you want/need to share, or the story you wish someone would share with you.

The questions you just answered can help with that. There are more questions in the podcast transcript.

After you figure out your story, you have to tell yourself it’s OK to share it.  When your inner critic says “no one wants to hear this!” remind yourself of the things you wish someone had told you.

Someone out there wants to hear YOU, and YOUR story.

After you’ve given yourself permission to share, find your audience and start sharing.

 

We’re all different, so we’ll all have different sharing methods that work best for us.  It could be a facebook post, or a blog. It could be letters to your family, your kids, or your grandkids.  Some people might talk into a tape recorder.  Others could find a support group.

You could also share today’s podcast with your friends, and see if their answers to the questions at the end or in the transcript match yours. If they do, maybe you need to share your stories with each other.

 

You could even look at all of this and say “not today.”  That’s OK, too. 

 

But you have a story, and it wants to be shared.  Take whatever time you need, but don’t cheat yourself, or the rest of us, out of your story.

 

You could be just the inspiration that someone else needs.

 

 ******************

Thanks for listening to today’s podcast about discovering and sharing your story. I promise we’ll talk about this again.  Until next time, thanks again for listening, and go make it a great week.

 

See next page for the questions I promised to share.

These questions can start to help you figure out your story.

 

I am currently experiencing (check all that apply

__menopause                      __pregnancy                        __infertility                __singleness

__empty nest                        __divorce                   __newly married      __childbirth

__toddlers                 __teenagers              __childhood issues   __unemployment

__sandwich generation                  __health issues                   __family issues

 

My biggest success is ____________________________________________________

An area where I feel like a failure is _________________________________________

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self ________________________________

I really wish I knew someone I could talk to about ______________________________

I wish I had known ______________________________________________________

When it feels like life is kicking me in the teeth, I _______________________________

When everything is going right, I ___________________________________________

My biggest challenge right now is __________________________________________.

I’m handling it by _______________________________________________________.