Like Driving in Fog

14 - Stifle it? NO!

TRANSCRIPT

 

I'm watching the movie the King's speech. I remember liking it the first time I saw it a few years ago, but I am seeing so much more in it now than I did then. And at this one point, I had to stop the movie. And I ran for the microphone because what's in my brain, in my feelings, in my heart, I just wanted to share.

 The elocutionist- the elocution trainer that the King visits, who's not a doctor although he does have an office on Harley Street, is always after the King to talk about his personal life. What it was like as a child. When did he start stammering. Why did he start stammering. And it all started when he was about five, which is apparently common for stammer errors. And as the king starts sharing some of what his early family life was like - no wonder he stammers.

 David has abdicated, and Albert is now King George the sixth. They’re getting ready for the coronation, and the King has found out that this person who’s been helping him is not a doctor. Now, Loke never claimed to be a doctor, he did not do anything fraudulent. Everybody just assumed he was a doctor. So when the Archbishop started investigating and found out Loke was not a doctor, the king felt betrayed, because he thought he was going to see a doctor this whole time.

 And so Loke was explaining to him how he got started with this, cause he's just a failed actor. He wasn't anybody. But after the Great War (that would be the first world war, for those of us who don't know it by the other name) a lot of the Australians, when they came home, they were shell-shocked. Today we call it PTSD. And they had lost their voice. They had lost their ability to share, to speak, because they had screamed for help for so long and nobody had heard.

 And what this man said was: “my job is to give you back your voice. To let you know that somebody is listening.” And the king takes exception with this because he's feeling betrayed. So they get into an argument. The King's like: “you know, I didn't even want to be king but you made me think I could blah blah. But you're not even a doctor blah blah.”  And he turns around and Loke is sitting in the chair that George will sit in when he's crowned king, or after he's crowned King, and he's like get out of that chair.

 Loke:  Why?

King:  I'm telling you to.

Loke: Who are you to tell me what to do?

King: I'm your King.

Loke:  You said you don’t even want to be king.

 

And this goes on and on until finally George is shouting “I have a voice and I will be listened to!”

 And I paused Netflix and ran for the microphone.

 

Thanks for joining us on this episode of Lessons from Life. I’m Mary Young, and we are talking about having a voice.

 

I ran for the microphone because of that scene in the movie, that conversation in the movie. It brought back a memory of a conversation that my current counselor Tracy and I had probably three years ago now, maybe four years ago. We had been talking about my childhood, because we did a lot of talking about my childhood in therapy. and at some point I looked at her and with a tremble in my voice like I have now, and with tears in my eyes like I have now, I shared the realization that I had been stifled as a child. Children should be seen and not heard, okay? Some of us grew up with that. That’s kind of stifling, but there was all kinds of other stuff because I was the youngest, and I just wasn't important. Nobody needed to listen to me. I didn't have anything of value to share.

 

And I looked at Tracy, and I said “oh my God they stifled me” and she's like “yeah.” and I said “I'm not stifled anymore. I'm allowed to talk about this stuff.” and she's like “yeah.” I was driving home from that session, and I just remember I kept pondering and pondering. You know, I just kept running in my brain “they had stifled me.” “I'm not stifled anymore.” and I found myself suddenly just gripping the steering wheel with both hands, and screaming at the top of my lungs “I'm not stifled! I'm not stifled anymore!” which is what the king was saying in the movie. I have a voice and its worth listening to. It deserves to be listened to.

 

My question for you today is “who is stifling you? What is stifling you? What is keeping your voice silent, and what will it take to break that silence? What is keeping you stomped down from achieving your potential, and what will it take for you to stand up and say: I am no longer stifled. I deserve to be listened to. I have a voice, I have a dream, and by God I am going to make that dream come true.

 

Find what's holding you back. Find what is stifling you. If you have to go to therapy to do it, go to therapy. Therapy can work wonders. If you can figure it out on your own with a trusted friend, if you have a life coach, whatever. But figure out where your stifling is coming from. Figure out where your self-doubts are coming from, and deal with them. Because I gotta tell you, the Mary that I was when I was stifled, and the Mary that I am today are not the same person.

 

Yeah, we’re in the same body. We have the same brain and the same voice, but I am not the person that I was when I was stifled. I am doing things that I honestly never thought I would. A podcast for crying out loud! I would never thought that I could do a podcast, and anybody would want to listen to me. I am no longer stifled. I have a voice, and it's worth listening to. You have a voice, and it's worth listening to.

 

Don’t let people stifle you.

 

Just don't.

 

Figure out what is holding you down, what is keeping you down, what is holding you back. Figure out where you are being stifled, and stand up for yourself.  The first time you speak your truth, your voice may shake, and your knees may knock, and you may feel like you're gonna be sick to your stomach.

 

And that's okay. That’s normal.

 

It’s not fun, but it's normal.

 

But you know what? The next time you do it, it gets a little bit easier, and the time after that it gets a little bit easier. And if you have a good support system, if you have healing partners and friends who love you and support you, and you get the toxic people out of your life... Katie bar the door!  

 

You will be amazed, utterly and completely amazed at how things can change. And I know that, and I know it's possible, because I've seen it with myself. Because I can look back four years and say “WOW!” The stuff I'm doing today, I would never have dreamed of doing four years ago.

 

I have friends who are working through emotional healing, and they are seeing the same thing that I saw. When they stop letting themselves be stifled, when they start believing in themselves, and believing in their voice, and sharing their voice, the world changes.

 

Your life changes.

 

Their life changed.

 

My life changed.

 

Everything this podcast is about, is about having a better life. About liking yourself. About loving yourself. More accurately, everything I’m sharing here is stuff that I've learned along the way.

 

This one this is a biggie.  Not being stifled, expressing your voice.

 

That is right up there with loving yourself, in terms of what is life-changing. And I want your life to change. I want you to see how your life can be when you're no longer being pushed down. When you're no longer being stifled. When you're expressing your voice, both to yourself with self talk and self-love, and to the world around you.

 

Don’t stifle yourself.

 

And don't let anybody else stifle you.

 

You have a voice.

 

You deserve to be heard.

 

Thank you for listening today.   Go out and make it a great week.

13 - I'm Positive!

TRANSCRIPT

When I first started seeing my therapist back in January 1999, we talked about what I needed to deal with. Which was repressed memories coming back to the surface and insisting that I look at them, and not ignore them and not push them under again. She gave me a piece of wisdom that has become one of my rules for life. “as we work through this you're going to be outputting a lot of negative, so you need to make sure that you input a lot of positives to counteract that.” it's almost 20 years since I first saw Tricia, and I still live by that particular statement.

Thanks for joining us on the lessons from life podcast. I'm Mary Young, and we will be talking today about positivity.

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12 - FUHGEDDABOUDIT!

TRANSCRIPT

 

One of my favorite books has a passage where the characters are having a conversation about a decision that had been made 20-30 years previously. At the time, it seemed like a good decision. but here they were 30 years later, and it was coming up to... well, not quite bite them, but coming back and needing to be faced again.

 

 And as they have a conversation about it, one of the characters says something that resonates with me every time I read it.

“We all did it,” she said. “And for us - for me at least - it came from taking the quiet way, the easy way. Forget, I thought.  Forget what’s behind. Look to the future. As if the future were not built grain by grain out of the past.”

 

 There is so much truth in that one sentence.

 

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11 - The Monster in the Basement

Transcript

 

I've been reading a book called Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. Rachel Hollis is a Christian, and I know that not everybody listening to the podcast really want to read things written by Christians. But I’m here to tell you that in what I’ve read so far, she is not one of those people who beat the reader over the head with Christianity.

She is just sharing common-sense, practical wisdom, things that she has experienced. I’m only about 4 chapters in - it could change, but that’s what it seems like so far.

 

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10 - ALL victims need to be believed

TRANSCRIPT

 

This is a lessons from life "short take."  I'm Mary Young; thanks for joining us. 

The news has been full of the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings.  Today on Facebook, I received a request to show solidarity as a woman by blacking out my profile pic.

The idea is to show how empty the world would be without us, or something. It's also a protest against how rape survivors are treated.

I'm not doing it. NOT because I don't feel sympathy for survivors (I am one), and not because of any political reason (both major political parties have sexual offenders in them).

THIS is my reason.

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9 - Be Gentle with Yourself: Self Care

TRANSCRIPT

Yesterday on Facebook, one of my friends posted that there are only 100 days left to this year.  They posted that as a “if there was something you’re going to do this year, you’re running out of time” kind of reminder, and here’s where my brain went. My brain jumped ahead to New Year’s resolutions, because of what I’ve been thinking about for this week’s podcast.

Whether you do resolutions or not, you’ve heard people talk about them. You might’ve done them earlier in your life, I don’t know. But think back think about all the times you’ve heard somebody talk about “this year I’m going to… what”?  It’s always I’m going to do something different. This something different is usually something that I don’t like about myself that I’m going to try to fix.

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8 - Living Above the Line - Part 2

I actually posted this as an article on LinkedIn, so instead of posting a transcript, I'll just link to it: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/living-above-line-part-ii-mary-young/

 

Thanks for listening!

7 - Who are you Afraid of Offending?

TRANSCRIPT

“...What I want to say to young girls is forget about likability. If you start thinking about being likable you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that's going to ruin your story...”

                                                                                                -- Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

 

I haven’t been a young girl for a few decades now, but when I read this on the Facebook page “A Mighty Girl” today, it spoke to me.  If this were a blog instead of a podcast, I’d bold print this part:  ...you are not going to tell your story honestly, because you are going to be so concerned with not offending, and that’s going to ruin your story.   I struggle with this one a lot, both as I work on ideas for podcast episodes, and as I work on convincing myself to complete my current book project, which I haven’t really touched in the last year.

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6 - Always Remember -- September 11, 2001

Remembering a tragic day in our history.

5 - Living Above the Line - Part 1

I actually posted this as an article on LinkedIn, so instead of posting a transcript, I'll just link to it:  https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/living-above-line-mary-young/

Come back for Part 2, where I talk about how important it is for supervisors to encourage their team to live above the line.